Entry 9
Intentionality in Long Distance
My family members are my best friends.
When I tell you, calls from my mom — whether they are many hours or just 10 minutes, have the ability to make my whole day.
My husband, Ephraim, and I love getting on a Group FaceTime with my family and playing a round of Game Pigeon Crazy 8’s. It’s genuinely one of our favorite ways to spend long distance quality time.
I’m so thankful for a family who always pushed me to pursue my dreams and follow the voice of God wherever He was calling me. But what no one talks about is when you are in the middle of living those dreams, knocking out all of these achievements, amidst the life you longed for growing up…how badly sometimes you still wished you lived down the road from your mom and dad or could just cross the hall for a deep talk with your little brother.
No one talks about the family dinners and birthday parties you’ll miss out on, and how when you lose a close family member — you wish you could’ve remembered one more phone call before The Lord took them home.
Now, don’t get me wrong! Living in this city with my husband is everything I could have ever dreamed up and prayed for. And we love dreaming even bigger with God. It’s been so awesome seeing this recent wave of married couples and families move to the city because of a desire to grow in their marriage or raise their kids here as opposed to the stereotypical pattern of leaving before you get married or before you start a family out of some sort of fear (not saying everyone does this, it’s just a stereotypical idea of many transient New Yorkers). Unless God has other plans and decides to change our hearts, it would be an honor, joy, and a blessing to start our family here. And it’s been nothing short of a gift to plant, water, and grow our marriage in this concrete jungle.
The coolest part? My family and loved ones have been supportive the whole way.
One time, someone said to me how they could never live the life that I’m living because they love their family too much. And as someone who loves my family with all of me, this stung a little bit, although I knew the comment wasn’t personal.
After all of the moping I just did to kick off this blog entry, this may seem weird to say, but I’ve found actually that distance has made my heart for my family grow and it makes the time that I do spend at home with them so much sweeter.
Would it be nice if the City that Never Sleeps happened to be the same area of the country my parents live in? Sure. Because then I could have the best of all of my worlds at my fingertips.
But coming home to my mom and dad, especially when my brother is also home from college or on the holidays when I get to see everyone in my family in addition to time at my parents house, has been all the more joyful since moving away.
“And what about those moments in between your visits to see one another in person?”
Some may be pondering.
Well, for those of you who relate to these feels, are looking to move away but are anxious about that big jump, or maybe you are just curious…here are some ways that I try to stay intentional about keeping up to date with my family in between those sweet moments of in person quality time:
Communicate with your loved ones that you love them. Whenever possible :)
Remember that being sad sometimes is okay. Feel your feelings and remember that it was those loved ones who you are missing which likely helped you get to where you are now.
I text my parents all the time. Literally I don’t think our conversations ever end. I know this isn’t for everyone, but I certainly feel much closer to my family knowing and having awareness regarding what is going on in their world and vice versa.
Be intentional about calling. It’s good to catch up, even if it’s a 20 min call on the bus ride home.
Not to brag, but I’m a voice memo queen. Are you at work but I have a story I’m really excited to tell you about? I gotchu with a quick little voice memo that you can listen to later. A more personalized way to send a text, in my opinion, since you can hear each others voices!
Be real. Be vulnerable and share the good, bad and the ugly with your loved ones even if they are far away and they don’t understand the depth of your circumstances completely. Including these details into your means of connecting, keeping others in the loop makes you feel a little closer in heart and a little less physically far.
I’m so thankful for a family whom I love so much that I get to cultivate these loving rhythms with even from far away. I pray that if you ever see yourself moving from loved ones, or even if you live a far distance away from them now, that these rhythms could encourage you in your journey of cultivating intentionality from far away too.
